According to the divorce coaching course that I took, data suggests it takes approximately two years. In some cases, it could take longer. When I first read this, I thought to myself, “You have got to be kidding”. I am fifty-seven. Two years is a long time for me. I don’t have that much time. I will be sixty soon. I have never been a patient person when I make up my mind about something. I remember when I decided I wanted to get married, I proposed to my ex after a few months of dating-and married him on my lunch hour. To my credit though, it lasted thirty-two years. So, I figured it wasn’t too bad of a decision. It is also advised not to get involved in another relationship during the recovery process. This is a mistake that many people make. Some people believe that the way to get over someone is to get involved with someone else. This is not the way. I initially thought this way. My ex had a mistress before we separated. Why couldn’t I have someone after the separation? As a matter of fact, I went online and purchased twenty-five condoms. I asked a friend of mine if she thought twenty-five was enough. Maybe I should have purchased fifty. Heck, I didn’t know. This was a new life for me. I later went to court and was awarded separate maintenance support from my ex. My attorney informed me that I would lose the separate maintenance if it were discovered that I was dating. I remember saying to myself, “what am I going to do with all the condoms that I bought”? I thought that once you were legally separated, you were allowed to date. Needless to say, that ended any thoughts of dating that I had.
It took approximately six months for the divorce to become final. My ex continued dating his mistress during that time. I take that back. Let me say, alleged mistress. I learned the term alleged from watching the Wendy Williams show. After I had been apart from my ex a year, I decided to try to date. I went on a date with a guy once and another guy twice. I decided I wasn’t ready to date yet. I had to admit there was something to the advice to wait until you have recovered from your former relationship. I figured I was the exception to the rule since I always did things quickly once I made up my mind. I am usually a person who is flexible and can go with the flow. I figured this trait would help me to get over the breakup faster than most. Boy was I wrong. Don’t rush things. Give yourself time to truly heal before starting a new relationship. The time will pass by before you know it. I am fifty-nine now. It’s been almost two years. I have not found anyone, but I am ok with this. I have had quite a few offers, none that I really wanted. I am too busy to think about dating at the moment. No more getting married on my lunch hour. So, I am alone because I choose to be. The right person will come along. Don’t panic and think you are running out of time and choose the wrong person. I have seen a lot of women do this and end up dating one failure after another.
By Emmerstine Mackie
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