The Potential Perils of Dating After a Divorce

You are lonely and have decided it’s time for you to try your hand at dating.  Where do you start?  Should you have friends set you up or go it on your own?  You are wondering if now is the time to start dating.  Your friends notice that you are unhappy and are trying to set you up with different guys.  You are still not quite over the end of your marriage.  Should you jump in with hopes that a new guy will help take your mind off your former spouse?  When is the right time to start dating?  The divorce coaching course that I completed suggested that it takes an average of 2 years to recover from a divorce.  Initially, I thought this was ludicrous.  I always believed you should find someone new quick to help get over the grief of your past relationship.  I have heard this termed transitional piece on many occasions.  But is this the best route to take?  Dating in the wake of the current pandemic is challenging to say the least.  There has been a surge in individuals joining online dating sites.  I guess people want companionship even during the midst of a pandemic. 

I remember deciding to begin dating about a year after the breakup of my marriage.  I know it was suggested that I wait approximately two years, but I figured that was not the case for everyone.  I always could bounce back rather quickly after disappointments.  So, with this in mind, I posted my profile on a popular dating site.  I got quite a few responses.  I ended up going on dates with 2 of the guys I met.  They were both highly intelligent and successful guys.  I set my age range from 50 – 65.  I figured that would give me a fairly good selection to choose from.  The first guy didn’t include a picture with his profile.  He later told me this was because of the type of job he had, and he wanted to keep a low profile.  I bought that.  I know what you are thinking, red flag, right!  He was a couple of years older than my age limit.  He told me that people told him he looked 10 years younger, so I let it go.  Besides, he worked out 5 times a week.  I figured he had to be in good shape.  I posted pictures with my profile, so he could see how I looked.  I told him it wasn’t fair that he knew how I looked, but I didn’t know how he looked.  So, I asked him to send me a picture.  He didn’t respond.  I figured he didn’t get my message, so I texted him. He didn’t respond, so I texted him again and asked for a picture.  This should’ve been another red flag, but I gave him a chance and accepted a date with him.  He lied.  He didn’t look 10 years younger.  People looked at us as we walked into the restaurant as if I were with my dad.  He looked so much older than me.  I was disappointed.  On top of that, he expected me to chase him.  Now come on!  I had already lowered my standards.  I was almost 60 and couldn’t really run anymore, so chasing was out of the question.  He was really thin.  He told me he had been trying for years to get to 150 pounds.  I offered to show him how it was done since I never had a problem gaining weight.  Needless to say, this didn’t work out.  I lost my patience and told him to never call me again.

I went on 2 dates with the second guy.  He lived an hour away, so we met halfway for lunch.  I liked him so I went on another date.  We went to the movies.  Of course, this was before the pandemic.  He played with my knee during the movie.  This is the same thing my ex did on our first date.  Apparently, they both thought it turned me on.  I didn’t say anything just as I had done on a date with my ex. He talked about his favorite movie which ended up being my ex’s favorite movie.  He liked the same type of movies as my ex.  I felt like I was dating my ex all over again.  I finally decided he had to go.  So, I decided to put off dating for another year.  I learned some valuable lessons.  If a man will not send you a picture after asking 3 times, be leery.  Oh yeah, when I told the second guy, I decided to put off dating for a while because I wasn’t ready, he responded, “you’d better hurry up since you are almost 60″.  To this, I replied, “I know how old I am better than anybody else”.  That’s when I knew he had to go.  I didn’t need anyone trying to knock down my self-esteem.  I had enough of that while I was married to my ex. I took my profile off the dating site. I learned a valuable lesson.  If things don’t seem right initially, bale right away.  It generally doesn’t get any better.

By Emmerstine Mackie

Divorce Coach