So, you stayed together for the sake of the kids.  They are grown, and you are still there.  What’s your reason now?  The two of you haven’t seen eye to eye in a while.  It has gotten worse over the years. Have you become complacent or numb to the situation. Is it for financial reasons?  Has he always been a good provider, and you don’t want to give up this comfort?  Maybe you fear you won’t be able to make it financially without him.  Believe me, I understand.  I thought I couldn’t survive financially on my own, but I’m doing just fine and so will you. Lately, you seem like strangers or roommates existing under the same roof.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  Maybe you should jump ship.  Do you fear starting over at your age?  Look around. There are a lot of seasoned women fifty and older who are already divorced or contemplating divorce.  Many of them look back and wonder why they stayed for so long.  Was it truly worth it?  Would the kids have been better off if you had gotten divorced?  Kids often suffer when living in a stressful and contentious environment.  The longer you stay, the harder it gets to leave.  You may keep telling yourself, “I’ll leave when the kids are older.  The next thing you know, they are in high school.   You wonder where the time has gone.  You blink, and they are grown, and you’re still there.  Grown children often take the breakup of their parent’s marriage as badly as minor children.  This surprised me after I saw the reaction of my grown children when I announced the breakup of my marriage.  They thought we would be together forever.  Guess they were suffering from the fairy tale syndrome of happily ever after.  I too suffered from that once upon a time.  I had shielded them from the negative aspects of our marriage.  But was that the right thing to do?   I wonder now.  Would they have been less shocked and disappointed?   Like Kenny Rogers says in his gambler’s song, know when to walk away and know when to run”!

Emmerstine Mackie

Divorce Coach for the “Seasoned Woman”

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