Putting Yourself First and Learning to Say No

As women, we are nurturing by nature.  We tend to put the needs of others before our own.  This has got to change!  As wives and mothers, we sometimes put our dreams and desires on the back burner.  Ladies let’s discuss being selfish and copping an attitude. My mother used to tell me while growing up that I was selfish.  Of course, I didn’t believe her.  Looking back, there could have been some truth to this.  Needless to say, like so many other women, this all changed when I became a wife and mother.  I became focused on the needs of my family.  There were times when I wanted to walk away from my marriage but didn’t because of the kids.  I became good at hiding my unhappiness as long as the kids were happy.  Now this is not always the best thing to do.  Like most women, we try to give our kids a better life than we had.  We try to do the best for our spouse even in times when we don’t like him as much.  Be honest, there were times when you could have buried your foot somewhere. 

Remember the old saying “put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you try to help others.”  We forget to take care of ourselves mentally and physically because we are so busy taking care of everybody else.  Stop it!  Now is the time to get comfortable disappointing others including your ex or soon to be ex.  Tell them no!  This will probably shock them.  I remember my daughter getting upset and copping an attitude when I told her no, since I usually don’t.  My son also copped an attitude when I said something he didn’t like.  They were used to mommy being so giving.  My daughter even told me when I could date which according to her was never.  She had her nerve.  She never listened to me when I told her who and when to date.  I didn’t say anything to her.  I just laughed inside.  My son thought he could tell me how to do things since I was by myself and didn’t have a man around.  I reminded him I was the parent.  To top it all off, my ex even copped an attitude when I said no to a request he made during our separation.  The nerve of him!  Prior to that, he asked for a separation and I said yes.  However, I had no intention of just separating but didn’t tell him that.  I actually filed for divorce before I walked out.  I figured I was almost sixty, and stuff was starting to fall.  I was in the gym trying to hold it up and pull it back up.  So, I didn’t have time for a separation.  He copped his biggest attitude behind this!  

Is it just me, or do you have kids and an ex or soon to be ex like this too?  Ladies, it’s time to be selfish and cop an attitude too.  You deserve it!  Time to focus on your dreams and desires.  It is never too late.  Let me help you.  Have you ever dreamed of starting a business or a new career?  Let me use my experience as a career and business coach to assist you.  Are you thinking about going back to school?   I have worked as an instructor and academic advisor and can assist you in this area.  Or you may just need assistance with getting your finances in order or setting up a budget.  Being in the accounting arena for almost forty years, I can assist you in this area also.  If you just need assistance with being selfish and copping an attitude, I can help you with that too.  On a more serious note, as a certified divorce coach, my focus is on helping other women age 50 and older emotionally heal during the divorce process and repairing their lives so that they will be even better once they come out on the other side.  Sign up for a free 30-minute consultation.  I will be happy to assist you. 

By Emmerstine Mackie

Divorce Coach for the Seasoned Woman