Loneliness

You made it through the holidays.  Valentine’s day is fast approaching and you’re still alone.  You are wondering why.  Where are all the single older men?  Are they all looking for younger women?  You think to yourself, maybe I should lose a few pounds or change my hairstyle.  Maybe I could find someone then.  You have had a few prospects, but you don’t like any of them.  As you ponder these thoughts to yourself, you start to think maybe I’m being too picky.  Maybe I should lower my standards a bit. Perhaps then I’ll find someone.  A lot of the men your age are already married but that doesn’t stop them from making a pass at you.  Some of them are starting to look good.  Stop it!  You’re too old to be a chick on the side just to say you have a man.  Time is precious, so don’t waste it.  Remember the list I suggested you make a while ago of the characteristics you want in a man.  If you didn’t read that post, go ahead and make a list now.  Make note of the characteristics you absolutely will not accept and make a mental note of them.  If you feel yourself starting to deviate from that list, pull it out and read it again.   Remind yourself daily when you feel yourself starting to get weak. Tell yourself that you will not deviate from this list. 

I have known a lot of women who started lowering their standards when they were beginning to get lonely.  As you start to think to yourself, maybe Johnny will look ok if he would just fix his teeth.  Bob just needs to lose a few pounds and he would be the perfect guy for me.  Bill doesn’t have a job and lives with his mother, but perhaps I can help him find a job.  Change that thought.  Bill hasn’t worked in 2 years and has $750 a month coming in from social security.  He doesn’t want to work, and you can’t afford to take care of a man no matter how handy he is around the house.  Maybe I can help Johnny with his teeth situation or help Bob lose a few pounds by taking him to the track with me to walk. You can’t change or fix a man.  He has to want to fix himself. Generally, what you see is what you get.  The older a man gets, the harder it is for him to change.  By middle-aged, he is set in his ways. And by the way, so are you.  I remember some time ago.  I was starting to feel a little lonely.  I met a guy who was highly intelligent and successful.  Sounds good right.  However, he was lacking in so many other areas.  He was somewhat older than I wanted, but I let that pass.  He was much shorter than I preferred.  I also let that pass.  He was a bit arrogant and cocky.  You guessed it!  I let that pass too.  Finally, he told me in this day and age that it was ok for a woman to chase a man.  He actually wanted me to do the pursuing.  Imagine that.  I couldn’t be that flexible since my back bothered me at times.   Needless to say, I cut that relationship short and promised myself never to settle again.  Yes, it happens to the best of us. Even me.! So, ladies repeat after me.  I will never settle no matter how lonely I get.  Pull out your list.  Stick it on your refrigerator so you can see it as a daily reminder.

By Emmerstine Mackie

Divorce Coach for the Seasoned Woman