Life on My Own

I remember asking God, How did I get here?”  This wasn’t supposed to happen to me.  I was going to be married till death do we part.  Here I was 57 and separated.  I was terrified and so was my thirty-something-year-old daughter.  She knew I had never lived on my own.  She left home at 18 to attend college and later to join the Airforce.  She knew what it was like to live on your own.  My ex had always taken care of the maintenance on my car.  My daughter asked me one day if I had the fluids in my car checked?  To this, I asked what fluids?  I eventually had someone check my fluids.  I remember one rainy day as the light turned green and I accelerated, I noticed my tires didn’t quite sound right.  It was as if they didn’t seem to grip the pavement.  My twenty-something-year-old son checked my tire pressure. One tire read 21 and the other three read 25.  I believe they were supposed to read 35.  He put air in the tires, but they deflated soon afterward.  I ended up having to get four new tires.  It was a year after leaving my ex that I washed my car for the first time.  Yes, my ex did that too!  The only reason I had it washed was that I was going on a date.  I remember being embarrassed as I took it to a car wash to be cleaned and vacuumed.  I tipped the attendant well once he was finished.  God knows he deserved it.  It used to irritate me whenever my ex made me take my car to a repair shop.  I had gotten so used to him doing it.  Boy was I spoiled.  After my divorce was final, I had to get my own health & dental insurance.  I had to read through all the different policies to figure out which was the best. That was a headache.  I was used to my ex doing this, filling out the paperwork, and just giving me the insurance card.  He did the same with the car insurance.  Damn him, I wanted to go drag him over to my apartment, make him pick out my health, dental, and car insurance then send him back home.  I counted all the reasons I wanted to slap the taste out of him the next time I saw him.  I never had to do all these things before.

Life on your own will seem daunting at first, but as time goes on you will adjust.  You will become more independent and develop a sense of pride as you learn that you can make it.  I recently had to rent a car to attend an out-of-town seminar.  The rental agency charged a deposit fee of $200.  I was shocked by this.  My daughter told me this was the norm.  Rental agencies generally charge a deposit.  You guessed it again!  My ex usually handled the car rental whenever we drove out of town. My daughter laughed and said, “Mommy, it’s just like you are leaving home for the first time and learning how to do everything on your own”.  I am now 59.  That goes to show, you are never too old to learn.  The urge to slap the taste out of my ex has disappeared.  I wouldn’t see him again until a year after the divorce was finalized.  I am truly an independent woman now and loving life on my own.  I included a link to a YouTube video of a song by Mary, Mary entitled “Go Git It”.  It is an inspirational song that I occasionally listen to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRDcSC5bq-Y

By Emmerstine Mackie

Divorce Coach