KNOWING WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP

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Knowing when to ask for help is crucial in the divorce recovery process.  The grieving process is estimated to last approximately two years.  During this time, you may feel a variety of emotions from denial, anger, and even depression.  Temporary denial is normal.  You are in shock.  This is the person you planned to spend the rest of your life with.  You are angry.  How could he do this to you especially at your age?  You feel rage.  Having to start over is not easy.  Will you be able to make it financially?  Don’t repress your emotions.  Try to redirect your anger more productively.  Take up a hobby.  What is something you have always wanted to do?  Take a class, walk, or plant a garden.  Join a support group.  A lot of churches have a divorce recovery group.  The group members understand what you are going through.  Sometimes it helps to have a sympathetic ear.  By all means, do not fall into any addictive behavior such as alcohol or drugs. A common behavior is to start dating too soon.  Give yourself time to grieve before getting involved in another relationship.  I know this can be a lonely time but resist the temptation to enter into an intimate relationship.  Resist the urge to drown your sorrows in food or overspending.  All these things will lead to problems down the road.  You may even temp to reconcile with your ex.  Remember there is a reason why the relationship ended.  Depression can set in.  You feel helpless.  You can’t make the other person love you or come back to you.  You may go back and forth between these emotions before your reach acceptance.  Take one day at a time.  There will be life after divorce.  One day you may even forgive your ex.  The key is to focus on you.  If you feel stuck and can’t seem to move forward, by all means, seek professional counseling. 

By Emmerstine Mackie

Divorce Coach for the “Seasoned Woman”

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