How Long Does It Take to Recover from a Divorce and When Can I Date?

posted in: Dating After Divorce 0

According to the Divorce Coaching course that I took, data suggests it takes approximately two years. In some cases, it could take longer. When I first read this, I thought to myself, “you have got to be kidding”.  I am fifty-seven.  Two years is a long time for me.  I don’t have that much time.  I will be sixty soon.  I have never been a patient person when I make up my mind about something.  I remember when I decided I wanted to get married, I proposed to my ex after a few months of dating-and married him on my lunch hour. To my credit though, it lasted thirty-two years.  So, I figured it wasn’t too bad of a decision.  It is also advised not to get involved in another relationship during the recovery process.  This is a mistake that many people make.  Some people believe that the way to get over someone is to get involved with someone else. This is not the way.  I initially thought this way.  My ex had a mistress before we separated.  Why couldn’t I have someone after the separation?  As a matter of fact, I went online and purchased twenty-five condoms.  I asked a friend of mine if she thought twenty-five was enough.  Maybe I should have purchased fifty.  Heck, I didn’t know.  This was a new life for me.  I later went to court and was awarded separate maintenance support from my ex. My attorney informed me that I would lose the separate maintenance if it were discovered that I was dating.  I remember saying to myself, “what am I going to do with all the condoms that I bought”?  I thought that once you were legally separated, you were allowed to date. Needless to say, that ended any thoughts of dating that I had.

It took approximately six months for the divorce to become final.  My ex continued dating his mistress during that time.  I take that back.  Let me say, alleged mistress.  I learned the term alleged from watching the Wendy Williams show.  After I had been apart from my ex a year, I decided to try to date.  I went on a date with a guy once and another guy twice.  I decided I wasn’t ready to date yet.  I had to admit there was something to the advice to wait until you have recovered from your former relationship.  I figured I was the exception to the rule since I always did things quickly once I made up my mind.  I am usually a person who is flexible and can go with the flow.  I figured this trait would help me to get over the breakup faster than most.  Boy was I wrong.  Don’t rush things.  Give yourself time to truly heal before starting a new relationship.  The time will pass by before you know it.  I am fifty-nine now. It’s been almost two years.  I have not found anyone, but I am ok with this.  I have had quite a few offers, none that I really wanted.  I am too busy to think about dating at the moment.  No more getting married on my lunch hour.  So, I am alone because I choose to be.  The right person will come along.  Don’t panic and think you are running out of time and choose the wrong person.  I have seen a lot of women do this and end up dating one failure after another.

By Emmerstine Mackie

Divorce Coach