You are facing the realization that your marriage is over. What if you were given a chance to hit the delete key and start over? Would you do it? As a fifty-something-year-old woman, this seems intriguing to me. What if I could actually do this? You could avoid going through the painful grieving process or maybe you would choose someone different. Many of us have looked back at former boyfriends and wonder what would have happened if we had married them instead. Now come on! I know I’m not the only one who wished I had married a former boyfriend instead of the man I chose. What about the children? Deleting the marriage would mean deleting the children from the marriage. Sometimes when my kids give me grief, this wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I love my kids and thank God for them. In actuality, divorce is the closest thing to a delete key that exists. We can end the marriage, but not what happened during the marriage. In a way, we do get to start over. We can remarry in hopes that we will have a better relationship than the last. As seasoned older women, we wonder if happiness really exists. Do we really want to get into another marriage at our age?
In reality, second and third marriages have a higher failure rate than first marriages. Why is this? One would think, we learned from the mistakes of the first marriage. In some cases, from the first two marriages. Sadly, based on statistics 67% of second marriages are doomed, and 74% of third marriages also end in divorce. I say delete, delete! Seriously, this would tend to make a person wonder if they should take the plunge again. Why risk it if it’s only going to end in divorce again. Often, people get married again before they have healed from the first marriage. This may be a rebound relationship. Rebound relationships tend not to work out. I have done this in my life when I let go of my childhood sweetheart at the age of 22. I started dating a friend immediately after the breakup. Big mistake! It didn’t work out. Often, you leave a relationship because the problems become unbearable. You end up in a new relationship with a whole new set of problems. You find that those are also unbearable and end the relationship. Give yourself time to get to know the person. Most people can put up a good front at the beginning of a relationship. It may be a good idea to seek the advice of a pre-marriage counselor before you get married again. If there are children from the previous relationship, this could complicate matters. The children may end up being a factor in the demise of the second and third marriages. Also, try to understand why the first marriage failed and your part in the failure. My mother always told me no one is perfect.
By Emmerstine Mackie
Divorce Coach for the Seasoned Woman