Anger, resentment, and betrayal are some of the emotions people experience when going through a separation or divorce.  Will there ever come a time when there will be forgiveness?  If so, how long will that take?  Will the two of you ever be able to be in the same room face to face, and hold a civil conversation?  Believe it or not, a lot of couples become civil to each other over time.  Many of my friends tell me after a number of years, they actually became friends.  I know you are thinking, this will never happen.  My mother and father were able to be in the same room without arguing.  Arguing was something they did a lot of during the course of their marriage.  I must admit after nearly three and a half years, I have not made it to that point.  I have learned in my lifetime to never say never.  Too many times I have had to eat my words.  If there are kids involved, it is usually better to be cordial for their sake.  Try not to put them in the middle since they probably love both of you.  Oftentimes, we don’t realize just how much a divorce affects the children.  Try to forgive and move on.  I know you have heard the old saying, “forgiveness is not for him.  It is for you.”  Now, don’t laugh!  You are probably thinking about the last time you saw your ex.  Forgiveness was not a word that came to mind.  You were probably thinking slap, strangle, or kill. Don’t put too much energy in being bitter.  It tends to sap the life from you.  As time goes on, you will start to leave the past where it belongs and go on with your life. Focus on the future.  Set goals as you plan for your future.  I’m glad I am where I am now because I am in a much better place.  I am at peace and happier than I have been in years.

By Emmerstine Hull

Divorce Coach for the “Seasoned Woman”

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