Don’t Look Back

Now that you have decided to end your marriage, you may be wondering if it is or was the right thing to do.  If your spouse decided to end the marriage, then you didn’t have a choice in the matter.  If you decided to end the marriage, you may find yourself occasionally looking back and thinking about reconciliation.  You may think to yourself, was it that bad.  This is normal but remember there was a reason you decided to end the marriage in the first place.  I have seen a lot of women get lonely and make the mistake of sleeping with their ex or soon to be ex.  Afterward, you generally end up regretting this indiscretion.  The key is to stop looking back.  Remember the story of Sodom and Gomorrah and what happened to Lot’s wife when she looked back.  She turned into a pillar of salt.  Now you don’t want that to happen to you, do you?  Nothing good comes from looking back.  Instead, focus on the future.  Look forward to making it to your promised land.  The road to recovery may seem long and unbearable, but you can make it.  Most of you have heard of the story of how Moses led the Israelites out of bondage from Egypt through the wilderness.  Don’t get me wrong, it shouldn’t take you 40 years to reach your promised land, but don’t look back like the Israelites did when things start getting rough.  They told Moses that things were bad in Egypt, but at least they had food to eat and a roof over their heads.  They kept complaining.  The more you complain and look back, the longer you stay in the wilderness. 

I remember thinking after I walked out on my ex if I could make it financially without him.  I was terrified.  He paid all the bills, and took care of the home, yard, and car maintenance.  He made my life easy.  He was could be mentally abusive at times, but he worked a swing shift job and wasn’t home a lot.  When he was home, he spent that time recuperating from his work schedule.  We didn’t spend a lot of time together.  So, I pretty much lived the life of a single person.  Damn, he should have not retired early!  He became mentally abusive on a more regular basis.  I worked from home and saw him every day. We were getting on each other’s nerves.  He wanted to separate.  I decided I wanted to get out of Egypt for good.  I had spent 32 years in the wilderness (32 years of marriage) and unlike the Israelites, I was not going to make it 40.  I was too old to just separate.  Heck, I was almost 60.  So, I filed for divorce on my way out the door as I was leaving Egypt.  We did have some good years.  We were both at fault for the end of the marriage.  I was just tired of being the one that always put forth the effort to save our marriage.  I was tired of being taken for granted.  I guess he thought I would never leave him.  I did think from time to time that maybe I should have hung in there when we initially separated.  I was scared.  I had never lived on my own.  As time goes on, you stop looking back.  You start to get used to life on your own.  I am still learning to deal with the maintenance of my car.  I pay my bills.  I thank God that he has given me enough money to survive on and a little extra.  I am looking forward to and planning for the future.

By Emmerstine Mackie

Divorce Coach