The Seasoned Woman
Divorce Coach for You caters to women 50 and older who are contemplating, going through, or already divorced. I would like to call the 50 and older woman “the seasoned woman”. The divorce rate for persons age 50 and older has doubled since the 1990s and has tripled for persons 65 and older. It is estimated that this trend will continue. Imagine that! I only found this out at the age of 57, while going through my divorce. It was then that I found out that there were so many other women like me who had gone through or were going through the same thing. Prior to this, I was in my own little world oblivious to what was affecting the people in my age group. Talk about a reality check! I started noticing the people around me in my age group who were divorcing. They were always there. I just never paid them any attention before. Sometimes when an issue doesn’t affect you; you don’t notice it. At the time, most of my friends were women who had been divorced for many years and didn’t fit into this category.
This trend has been termed “grey divorce.” People are living longer and starting to think more about their happiness. The children are older and there is no need to hang in there for their sake. Being divorced is no longer seen as a bad thing. There is less tolerance to put up with a bad marriage. Women over fifty file for divorce at a higher percentage rate than men. To this I say, go girl! This may be surprising because women are usually worse off financially after a divorce than men. It is difficult for both spouses to bounce back after having to divide assets they may have spent years accumulating such as a house, cars, retirement, etc. If the wife has stayed home taking care of the kids, it is even more difficult for her to re-enter the workforce. Some have to take a second job. Women tend to struggle more financially and have to live off less for longer since we tend to outlive men. Due to the age of the spouses, the likelihood of either bouncing back is slim.
Based on my research, the number one reason cited for divorce by women is mental abuse. I would imagine this may be done as a form of control. Take away a woman’s self-esteem and she is easier to control. Another reason listed was abandonment which ultimately forces the wife to file for divorce. Lastly, physical abuse. Women tend to bounce back emotionally at a faster rate than men. We have a better support system. Women generally have friends and family they can talk to, whereas men tend to internalize their feelings and remain angry and bitter longer.
Women also usually seek counseling and coaching (this where I come in) if needed. The Divorce Coaching course I completed suggested that it takes approximately 2 years to recover from divorce. While going through the course, I thought that was a bit extreme. As time went on, I began to agree with the course. You need to heal before jumping into a new relationship. Others believe the way to get over an ex is to get with someone new. Trust me the wolves can smell when you are wounded, and they are ready to take advantage of you at every turn. So, beware!